i have grown to love barbados much more so than i ever used to. i've learnt how extensive and expansive the value and definition of family is, it is the initial network - the blood network - the first friends and loves and associates. it spills across continents, countries, time zones and skin colour. and i am very happy to be part of mine.
then there are the networks of people i have forged all on my own. i am very happy about those too. being a giving and supportive person sometimes means that people can't reciprocate it back to you - they might not be able to, they might not want to - if its the latter, you let 'em go.
i have to return to london in a few weeks, back to reality and noise and confrontation and stress and the loss. i love that city but i will sorely miss the serene of the caribbean. not having to make friends, to talk solely only to people who share my blood, to forget rent, to write, to wash my skin in the sea, to watch watercolour sunsets from my rooftop, to get disgustingly addicted to days of our lives, to not worry, to not care.
i feel like i've slipped into the pocket of the world. i am still all my tissue, still covered in remnants of snot but getting softer with age as i rub against life as it continues to move onwards. i want to stay there until an inquisitive hand fishes me out and holds my hard, curled up mould in its palm.
i buried a great man here
and when i return i must take his place